Friendship or Romance?​—Part 1: What Signals Am I Receiving?

You really like this person of the opposite sex, and you’re sure that the feeling is mutual. After all, you text each other all the time, you pair off at gatherings . . . , and some of the messages you’ve received from this person are downright flirtatious.

So you decide to ask where the relationship is going, just to be sure you’re both on the same page. The reply? “I view you as just a friend​—nothing more.”

•  How it feels
•  Why it happens
•  What you can do

 How it feels

“I was so angry​—angry at him and at myself! We had been texting each other every day, and he showed a real interest in me. Naturally, I developed feelings for him.”​—Jasmine.

“This girl and I were chaperones for another couple. At times, it seemed as if we were double-dating. The two of us talked a lot, and then we started texting a lot. It was hard to take when she told me that she viewed me as just a friend and when I found out that she was seeing someone else all along.”​—Richard.

“A boy was texting me every day, and at times we were both ‘flirty.’ But when I told him about my feelings for him, he laughed and said, ‘I don’t want to date anyone right now!’ I cried for a long time.”​—Tamara.

The bottom line: When you think you have a special bond with someone and then find out that the romance is one-sided, it’s only natural for you to feel angry, embarrassed, and even betrayed. “I was devastated when it happened to me, and it really hurt my feelings,” says a young man named Steven. “It was a while before I could trust anyone else.”

 Why it happens

Texting and social media make it easy for you to develop an emotional attachment to someone who in reality has no romantic interest in you. Consider what some young people say.

“Someone could text you just to kill time, but you might take it as a sign of interest. And if he texts you every day, then you mistakenly feel that you’re really special to him.”​—Jennifer.

“One person might be genuinely interested in romance, while the other person just wants someone to talk to, someone to give him or her a confidence boost.”​—James.

“A simple ‘good night’ text message can be read as romantic, but it could have been sent with all the ‘tender’ feelings of a telemarketer.”​—Hailey.

“A smiley face can mean either ‘I’m being nice’ or ‘I’m flirting.’ Sometimes the person receiving the message assumes that it’s flirting.”​—Alicia.

The bottom line: Don’t mistake attention for affection.

Easier said than done? Yes! The Bible says: “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate.” (Jeremiah 17:9) It can cause you to build a ‘sand-castle romance’ that washes away the moment you realize that it existed only in your imagination.

 What you can do

• Be objective. Take a step back and analyze the relationship. Ask yourself, ‘Do I have solid reasons for thinking that this person is treating me differently from others?’ Don’t let your emotions hijack your “power of reason.”​—Romans 12:⁠1.
• Be discerning. Out of all those signs that make you think you might be more than friends, pay special attention to the signs that make you second-guess yourself. Don’t assume that just because you feel a certain way about someone, the feeling is mutual.
• Be patient. Until the person says explicitly that he or she wants to get to know you in a romantic way, don’t invest more in the relationship than you can afford to lose.
• Be honest. The Bible says that there is “a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:⁠7) If you want to find out whether someone views you as more than just a friend, talk it out with the person. “If the feelings aren’t mutual,” says a young woman named Valerie, “it’s better to be a little hurt now than to go on for months before realizing that this person wasn’t interested in the first place.”

The bottom line: “Safeguard your heart,” says Proverbs 4:​23. If you feel drawn to someone, find out if that person is drawn to you. Allowing romantic feelings to take root before then is like trying to grow a plant on a solid stone.

If you discover that the person does have feelings for you​—and if you’re old enough and ready to date​—then it’s up to you to decide if you want to pursue the relationship. Remember, a strong marriage is made up of a husband and wife who share the same spiritual goals and who are also up-front and honest with each other. (1 Corinthians 7:​39) In fact, they no doubt started out as​—and continue to be​—good friends.​—Proverbs 5:​18.

¿Amor o amistad? Primera parte: ¿Qué señales me está enviando?

Te gusta alguien del sexo opuesto, y según parece tú también le gustas. Las señales están ahí: tú y esa persona están todo el día enviándose mensajes, siempre acaban juntos cuando salen con los amigos y en algunos de los mensajes que te envía se nota que está coqueteando contigo.

Así que decides averiguar si la relación tiene futuro, solo para confirmar que los dos sientan lo mismo. Pero cuando le preguntas, te dice: “Somos amigos. Nada más”.

•  Lo que se siente
•  Por qué sucede
•  Lo que puedes hacer

 Lo que se siente

“¡Estaba tan disgustada... disgustada con él y conmigo misma! Nos enviábamos mensajes todos los días, y él de veras estaba interesado en mí. Como es normal, empecé a sentir algo especial por él” (Jasmine).

“Ella y yo acompañábamos a una pareja de novios para que no fueran solos. A veces, parecía que nosotros también éramos novios. Hablábamos a todas horas, y empezamos a enviarnos muchos mensajes. Fue muy duro cuando me dijo que solo me veía como un amigo y encima me enteré de que había estado saliendo con otro todo ese tiempo” (Richard).

“Un chico me mandaba mensajitos todos los días, y a veces coqueteábamos un poco. Pero cuando le confesé lo que sentía por él, se rió y me dijo: ‘No quiero tener nada con nadie ahora mismo’. Lloré como una magdalena” (Tamara).

Conclusión: Cuando piensas que tienes algo especial con alguien y descubres que eso solo existe en tu imaginación, es normal que te sientas molesto, avergonzado o traicionado. “Fue terrible —dice Steven—. Me rompió el corazón. Me costó mucho volver a confiar en una chica”.

 Por qué sucede

Con los mensajes de texto y las redes sociales es fácil empezar a sentir cariño por alguien que en realidad no quiere nada contigo. Mira lo que comentan estos jóvenes.

“Puede que alguien te escriba tan solo para pasar el rato. Y tú vas y te crees que le gustas. Y si encima te escribe todos los días, puedes llegar a pensar que eres muy especial para él” (Jennifer).

“Quizás alguien quiera empezar una relación, pero la otra persona lo que busca es un amigo con quien hablar o alguien que le suba la moral” (James).

“Un simple mensaje que diga ‘buenas noches’ te puede parecer algo muy romántico, pero quizás te lo hayan dicho con la misma ‘ternura’ con la que habla un teleoperador” (Hailey).

“En un mensaje de texto, una carita feliz puede significar ‘estoy tratando de ser amable’ o ‘estoy coqueteando’. Y a veces quien recibe la carita piensa que están coqueteando con ella” (Alicia).

Conclusión: No confundas la amabilidad con el cariño.

Pero eso no es tan fácil, ¿verdad? La Biblia dice: “El corazón es más traicionero que cualquier otra cosa, y es desesperado” (Jeremías 17:9). Tu corazón podría hacer que construyas castillos en el aire que se desvanecerán en cuanto te des cuenta de que eran algo irreal.

https://www.jw.org/es/ense%C3%B1anzas-b%C3%ADblicas/j%C3%B3venes/preguntan/amor-o-amistad-parte-1/

Help From ‘the God of Comfort’

KING DAVID was a man who experienced much anguish and many “disquieting thoughts.” Yet, he never doubted that the Creator understands us in every way. “O Jehovah, you have searched through me, and you know me,” he wrote. “You yourself have come to know my sitting down and my rising up. You have considered my thought from far off. For there is not a word on my tongue, but, look! O Jehovah, you already know it all.”​—Psalm 139:1, 2, 4, 23.

We too can be certain that our Creator understands us and the debilitating effect that depression can have on our imperfect minds and bodies. He knows what causes depression and how we can best cope under present circumstances. Furthermore, he has revealed how he will cure depression forever. We could wish for no one better to help us than our compassionate “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”​—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.

But depressed ones may wonder how God can help them when they experience distressing emotions.

Is God accessible to the depressed?

God is so close to his depressed servants that it is as if he resided with the “crushed and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly ones and to revive the heart of the ones being crushed.” (Isaiah 57:15) How comforting to know that “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves”!​—Psalm 34:18.

How can the depressed get comfort from God?

At any time of the day, God’s worshippers have approach to the “Hearer of prayer,” who can help us to cope with distressing feelings and circumstances. (Psalm 65:2) The Bible urges us to pour out our hearts to him: “Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.”​—Philippians 4:6, 7.

What if feelings of unworthiness make us think that our prayers are not being heard?

Depression may cause us to conclude that our attempts to please God are not adequate. However, our heavenly Father is sensitive to our fragile emotions, “remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:14) Even if “our hearts may condemn us,” we can “persuade our hearts” that “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” (1 John 3:19, 20, footnote) Therefore, you can use expressions in your prayers that you glean from such Bible passages as Psalm 9:9, 10; 10:12, 14, 17; and 25:17.

What if we are too distraught to put our feelings into words?

 When painful emotions are so overwhelming that rational speech is difficult, do not give up! Keep approaching “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort,” knowing that he understands your feelings and needs. (2 Corinthians 1:3) Maria, mentioned earlier in this series, says: “At times, when I feel very confused, I do not know what to pray about. But I know that God understands and helps me.”

How does God answer our prayers?

The Bible does not suggest that God removes all our difficulties now. However, God does impart the strength to cope with “all  things”​—including depression. (Philippians 4:13) “When I first suffered from depression,” admits Martina, “I prayed for Jehovah to heal me immediately because I thought I would not be able to bear it any longer. Now I am content to pray for strength each day.”

The Scriptures are a vital source of spiritual strength to help afflicted individuals to cope with depression. Sarah, who has battled depression for 35 years, personally experienced the practical value of daily Bible reading. She relates: “I truly appreciate what the medical profession has done for me. Above all, though, I realize the spiritual and practical value of reading God’s Word. I have made a habit of reading it.”

No More Depression​—Ever!

When Jesus Christ was on earth, he demonstrated his God-given power to cure painful maladies. Jesus was eager to bring relief to people who suffered from grievous sicknesses. Moreover, he himself knows the agony of distraught emotions. On the night before he was to die a painful death, “Christ offered up supplications and also petitions to the One who was able to save him out of death, with strong outcries and tears.” (Hebrews 5:7) As distressing as that was to Jesus at the time, we benefit now because “he is able to come to the aid of those who are being put to the test.”​—Hebrews 2:18; 1 John 2:1, 2.

The Bible reveals that God purposes to remove all the distressing conditions that contribute to depression. He promises: “I am creating new heavens and a new earth; and the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart. But exult, you people, and be joyful forever in what I am creating.” (Isaiah 65:17, 18) The “new heavens,” God’s Kingdom, will restore the “new earth,” a society of righteous people on earth, to perfect physical, emotional, and spiritual health. All sicknesses will be wiped out permanently.

“I have called out your name, O Jehovah, from a pit of the lowest sort. My voice you must hear. Do not hide your ear to my relief, to my cry for help. You have drawn near in the day that I kept calling you. You said: ‘Do not be afraid.’”​—Lamentations 3:55-57

 https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g200907/help-from-the-god-of-comfort/

Why Do I Always Say the Wrong Thing?

Sometimes I can control my tongue, but other times it seems as if my mouth goes on without any help from my brain!”​—James.

“When I’m nervous I speak without thinking, and when I’m relaxed I say more than I should. So, basically, I mess up all the time.”​—Marie.

The Bible says: “The tongue is . . . a fire” and, “How small a fire it takes to set a great forest ablaze!” (James 3:​5, 6) Do your words often get you into trouble? If so, this article can help you.

•  Why do I say the wrong thing?
•  Taming the tongue
•  What your peers say

 Why do I say the wrong thing?

Imperfection. The Bible says: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man.” (James 3:2) Human weakness makes us prone not only to stumble when we walk but also to say the wrong thing when we talk.

“Since I have an imperfect brain and an imperfect tongue, it’s delusional for me to say I have perfect control of them.”​—Anna.

Talking too much. The Bible says: “When words are many, transgression cannot be avoided.” (Proverbs 10:19) People who talk too much​—and listen too little​—raise their odds of offending others by saying the wrong thing.

“The smartest people in a room aren’t always the ones speaking. Jesus is the smartest person ever to walk this earth, and yet at times he kept quiet.”​—Julia.

Sarcasm. The Bible says: “Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword.” (Proverbs 12:18) One example of thoughtless speech is sarcasm​—stinging words meant to belittle others. People who use sarcasm might say, “I was just joking!” But humiliating others is no laughing matter. The Bible tells us to put away “abusive speech, as well as everything injurious.”​—Ephesians 4:​31.

“I tend to be very witty, and I like to be funny​—qualities that lead to sarcasm, which often gets me into trouble.”​—Oksana.

Once you say something, you can’t take it back any more than you can put toothpaste back into its tube

 Taming the tongue

Learning to control your tongue may not be easy, but Bible principles can help. For example, consider the following.

“Have your say in your heart, . . . and keep silent.”​—Psalm 4:4.

Sometimes the best reply is no reply. “The way I feel in the heat of the moment might not be the way I’ll feel later,” says a young woman named Laura. “After I calm down, I’m usually glad I didn’t say what I wanted to.” Even pausing for just a few seconds can keep you from saying the wrong thing.

“Does not the ear test out words as the tongue tastes food?”​—Job 12:11.

You can spare yourself much grief if you test out what you have in mind to say with these questions:

• Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?​—Romans 14:19.
• How would I feel if someone said it to me?​—Matthew 7:​12.
• Will it show respect for the other person’s viewpoint?​—Romans 12:10.
• Is this the right setting in which to say it?​—Ecclesiastes 3:7.

“With humility consider others superior to you.”​—Philippians 2:3.

That advice will help you cultivate good thoughts toward others, which will in turn help you hold your tongue and think before you speak. Even if it’s too late and you have said something hurtful, humility will help you to apologize​—and to do so as quickly as possible! (Matthew 5:​23, 24) Then resolve to do better at taming your tongue.

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/teenagers/ask/say-the-wrong-thing/

JOVENES: ¿Por qué siempre digo lo que no debo?

“A veces controlo lo que digo, pero otras parece que mi cerebro no tiene ningún control sobre mi boca” (James).

“Cuando estoy nerviosa, hablo sin pensar y, cuando estoy tranquila, digo más de lo que debo. Así que, básicamente, siempre meto la pata” (Marie).

La Biblia dice: “La lengua es un fuego”, y también: “¡Con cuán pequeño fuego se incendia tan grande bosque!” (Santiago 3:5, 6). ¿Te metes en problemas por lo que dices? Si te pasa eso muchas veces, este artículo puede ayudarte.

•  ¿Por qué digo lo que no debo?
•  Aprende a domar la lengua
•  Lo que opinan otros jóvenes

 ¿Por qué digo lo que no debo?

La imperfección. La Biblia dice: “Todos tropezamos muchas veces. Si alguno no tropieza en palabra, este es varón perfecto” (Santiago 3:2). Debido a la imperfección, es fácil que tropecemos no solo al caminar, sino también al hablar, y digamos lo que no debemos.

“Como tengo un cerebro imperfecto y una lengua imperfecta, no tiene sentido que diga que los controlo a la perfección” (Anna).

Hablar demasiado. La Biblia dice: “En la abundancia de palabras no deja de haber transgresión” (Proverbios 10:19). Las personas que hablan demasiado, y escuchan poco, tienen más probabilidades de ofender a los demás con lo que dicen.

“Las personas más inteligentes en una habitación no siempre son las que hablan. Jesús es la persona más inteligente que ha vivido en la Tierra, y en ocasiones se quedó callado” (Julia).

El sarcasmo. La Biblia dice: “Existe el que habla irreflexivamente como con las estocadas de una espada” (Proverbios 12:18). Un tipo de habla irreflexiva —es decir, sin pensar lo que se dice— es el sarcasmo. El sarcasmo es usar palabras hirientes con la intención de burlarse de alguien. Las personas que hablan con sarcasmo tal vez digan que están bromeando, pero humillar a los demás no es cosa de risa. La Biblia nos anima a librarnos del “habla injuriosa [o hiriente], junto con toda maldad” (Efesios 4:31).

“Normalmente soy muy ocurrente y me gusta ser graciosa, pero esas cualidades llevan al sarcasmo, y a veces me meto en problemas” (Oksana).

Una vez que se saca la pasta dental del tubo no se puede volver a meter. Lo mismo pasa con las palabras: una vez dichas, no pueden volver atrás.

 Aprende a domar la lengua

Aprender a controlar la lengua puede ser difícil, pero los principios bíblicos pueden ser muy útiles. Por ejemplo, piensa en los siguientes:

“Digan lo que quieran en su corazón, [...] y callen” (Salmo 4:4).

A veces, la mejor respuesta es quedarse callado. Una mujer joven llamada Laura explica: “Lo que siento cuando estoy enojada quizás no sea lo mismo que sienta más tarde”. Y añade: “Cuando me tranquilizo, me alegro de no haber dicho lo que pensaba”. Detenerte unos segundos puede evitar que digas algo que no debes.

“¿Acaso el oído mismo no prueba las palabras como el paladar gusta el alimento?” (Job 12:11).

Puedes ahorrarte muchos problemas si pones a prueba lo que quieres decir haciéndote las siguientes preguntas:

• ¿Es verdad? ¿Es amable? ¿Es necesario? (Romanos 14:19).
• ¿Cómo me sentiría si alguien me dijera eso a mí? (Mateo 7:12).
• ¿Es una muestra de respeto por la opinión de la otra persona? (Romanos 12:10).
• ¿Es el mejor momento para decir eso? (Eclesiastés 3:7).

“Considerando con humildad mental que los demás son superiores” (Filipenses 2:3).

Este consejo te ayudará a pensar bien de los demás, y eso a su vez te ayudará a controlar la lengua y a pensar antes de hablar. Incluso si es demasiado tarde y ya has dicho algo hiriente, la humildad te ayudará a pedir perdón y hacerlo lo antes posible (Mateo 5:23, 24). Después esfuérzate por domar mejor la lengua.

https://www.jw.org/es/ense%C3%B1anzas-b%C3%ADblicas/j%C3%B3venes/preguntan/digo-lo-que-no-debo/

Wat is die doel van die lewe?

Die Bybel se antwoord

Die vraag oor die doel van die lewe kan op baie maniere gestel word, soos: Waarom is ons hier? of Het my lewe ’n doel? Die Bybel toon dat die doel van die lewe is om ’n vriendskap met God op te bou. Kyk na ’n paar van hierdie grondwaarhede wat in die Bybel geopenbaar word.

• God is ons Skepper. Die Bybel sê: “Ons is deur [God] gemaak, nie deur onsself nie.”—Psalm 100:3; Openbaring 4:11.
• God het ’n doel met alles wat hy skep, insluitende ons.—Jesaja 45:18.
• God het ons met ’n “geestelike behoefte” geskep, wat die begeerte insluit om ’n doel in die lewe te vind (Matteus 5:3). Hy wil hê dat ons hierdie begeerte moet bevredig.—Psalm 145:16.
• Ons vervul ons geestelike behoefte deur ’n vriendskap met God op te bou. Hoewel die gedagte om God se vriend te wees, vir party dalk vergesog klink, spoor die Bybel ons aan: “Kom nader aan God, en hy sal nader aan julle kom.”—Jakobus 4:8; 2:23.
• Om God se vriend te word, moet ons lewe in ooreenstemming met sy voorneme vir ons. Die Bybel meld hierdie voorneme in Prediker 12:13: “Vrees God, en gehoorsaam sy gebooie, want dit is waarom ons geskep is.”—Good News Translation.
• In die toekoms, wanneer God lyding uit die weg ruim en die ewige lewe gee aan sy vriende, diegene wat hom aanbid, sal ons sy oorspronklike voorneme vir ons ten volle kan ervaar.—Psalm 37:10, 11.

What Is the Meaning of Life?

The question of the meaning of life may be asked in many ways, such as Why are we here? or Does my life have a purpose? The Bible shows that our purpose in life is to build a friendship with God. Consider some of these fundamental truths that the Bible reveals.

• God is our Creator. The Bible says: “It is [God] that has made us, and not we ourselves.”​—Psalm 100:3; Revelation 4:11.
• God has a purpose for everything he creates, including us.​—Isaiah 45:18.
• God created us with a “spiritual need,” which includes the desire to find meaning in life. (Matthew 5:3) He wants us to satisfy that desire.​—Psalm 145:16.
• We fill our spiritual need by building a friendship with God. Although the idea of being God’s friend might seem far-fetched to some, the Bible gives us this encouragement: “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.”​—James 4:8; 2:23.
• To become God’s friend, we must live in harmony with his purpose for us. The Bible states this purpose at Ecclesiastes 12:13: “Have reverence for God, and obey his commands, because this is all that we were created for.”​—Good News Translation.
• In the future, we can experience in full God’s original purpose for us when he eliminates suffering and grants everlasting life to his friends, those who worship him.​—Psalm 37:10, 11.

¿Cuál es el sentido de la vida?

La respuesta que da la Biblia

Esta cuestión puede plantearse de distintas formas. Tal vez alguien se pregunte: “¿Por qué estamos aquí?” o “¿Qué propósito tiene la vida?”. La Biblia indica que nuestro propósito en la vida es llegar a ser amigos de Dios. Para comprender mejor este asunto, veamos algunas verdades fundamentales que revelan las Escrituras.

• Dios es nuestro Creador. La Biblia dice: “Es [Dios] quien nos ha hecho, y no nosotros mismos” (Salmo 100:3; Revelación [Apocalipsis] 4:11).
• El Creador tiene un propósito para todo lo que ha hecho, incluida la humanidad (Isaías 45:18).
• Dios nos creó con una “necesidad espiritual”, la cual incluye el deseo de hallarle sentido a la vida (Mateo 5:3). Él quiere que satisfagamos ese anhelo (Salmo 145:16).
• Satisfacemos nuestra necesidad espiritual cuando nos esforzamos por conocer a Dios y ser sus amigos, algo que no está fuera de nuestro alcance. De hecho, la Biblia nos hace esta invitación: “Acérquense a Dios, y él se acercará a ustedes” (Santiago 4:8; 2:23).
• A fin de ser amigos de Dios, debemos cumplir con el propósito para el cual nos creó. La Biblia deja claro cuál es ese propósito: “Para esto fue creado el hombre: para temer y amar a Dios y obedecer sus mandatos” (Eclesiastés 12:13, versión de Ángel Sánchez, nota; lenguaje actualizado).
• En el futuro, cuando Dios elimine el sufrimiento y conceda vida eterna a todos sus amigos —aquellos que le sirven con lealtad—, se verá totalmente cumplido el propósito de Dios para la humanidad (Salmo 37:10, 11).